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《凤凰社》第37章The Lost Prophecy新旧版本译文对比(二)

继续对比,照旧预警一下po主有抠字眼强迫症和轻微ADHP倾向,如果看到不适的观点请及时点叉,如果有错欢迎帮忙指出。


那就是预言球存放在魔法部里,被重重保护起来了,只有预言涉及到的人才可以把它们从架子上取下来,而不会受到痛苦的折磨

就是存在魔法部的预言球都受到严密保护。只有预言涉及到的人才能把它们从架子上取下来而不会精神错乱

that the prophecies held in the Ministry of Magic are    heavily protected. Only the people to whom they refer can lilt them from the shelves without suffering madness.

第一句话旧版有个“所有预言球都放在魔法部”的歧义,新版的表述好多了。

suffering madness:旧版译成“受到痛苦的折磨”发散太多了,新版直译是对的。因为第23章《封闭病房中的圣诞节》里提到的那个被食死徒施了夺魂咒去偷预言球的魔法部工作人员就是因为接触预言球而精神错乱了。


“但是,我没有掌握。”哈利嘟哝着。他声音很大,想用这种办法缓解内心沉重的罪恶感:坦白地说出来一定可以减轻一些堆积在心头的可怕压力。“我没有练习,我没有放在心上,我是能够不让自己总做这个梦的,赫敏也一直提醒我。如果我做到了,他就无法告诉我该去哪儿,还有——小天狼星也就不会——小天狼星也就不会——”

哈利的脑子里有什么东西迸发了:他需要证明自己,他需要解释——

……

“就在圣诞节前夕,克利切抓住了一个短暂的机会。”邓布利多说,“小天狼星对他大喊‘滚出去’的时候,他逮住了这句话,把它曲解为是离开那座房子的命令。……”

“可是我没有掌握。”哈利嘟哝着说。他把这些话说出来,试图减轻内心沉重的负罪感:实话实说肯定能缓解那种挤压他心脏的可怕压力。“我没有练习,我没花心思,我本来能够阻止自己做那些梦的,赫敏也总是提醒我,如果我用功一些,他就无法告诉我该去哪儿,小天狼星也就不会——小天狼星也就不会——”

一个念头在哈利脑海里突然冒出来:他需要为自己辩护,需要解释……

……

“就在圣诞节前夕,克利切抓住了机会,”邓布利多说,“当时小天狼星好像是嚷嚷着叫他‘滚蛋’。结果他以为小天狼星说的是真话,把这理解为命令他离开房子。……”

 'But I didn't,' muttered Harry. He said it aloud to try and ease the dead weight of guilt inside him: a confession must surely relieve some of the terrible pressure squeezing his heart. 'I didn't practise, I didn't bother, I could've stopped myself having those dreams, Hermione kept telling me to do it, if I had he'd never have been able to show me where to go, and - Sirius wouldn't - Sirius wouldn't - '

    Something was erupting inside Harry's head: a need to justify himself, to explain - 

……

 'Kreacher seized his opportunity shortly before Christmas,' said Dumbledore, 'when Sirius, apparently, shouted at him to "get out". He took Sirius at his word, and interpreted this as an order to leave the house. ……' 

这段前面几处(把话说出来、本来能够、一个念头)旧版翻得比较潦草,新版的意思准确多了。

而He took Sirius at his word, and interpreted this as an order to leave the house.这句话,我觉得反而是旧版的翻译更加准确。新版的意思似乎变成了是克利切无意中误会了小天狼星的话而不得不离开格里莫广场,但从上文“克利切抓住了机会(seized his opportunity)”也能看出来,克利切是故意曲解小天狼星的话来制造机会离开房子的。


因为我随时都可能按照约定到达总部,所以斯内普教授要小天狼星留下来,因为需要有人留在总部通知我发生的事情。

斯内普教授要求小天狼星留在家里,因为我随时都会赶到那里,需要有人留在总部把情况告诉我。

Professor Snape requested that Sirius remain behind, as he needed somebody to remain at Headquarters to tell me what had happened, for I was due there at any moment

due有“向着”的意思,这里前后文也没有提到邓布利多当晚有预定要去凤凰社总部,所以新版的翻译比较准确。


“哦,是的,”邓布利多说,“你知道,克利切不能完全背叛我们。他不是凤凰社的保密人,无法告诉马尔福我们在何处,或者告诉他们已经禁止他泄露的一些凤凰社的机密计划。他被他同类的魔法束缚着,也就是说他不能够违背主人小天狼星的直接命令。而他告诉纳西莎的那些对伏地魔非常有用的情报,在小天狼星看来却都是些很不起眼的小事,用不着考虑不许他说出去。”

“你指的是什么?”哈利问。

“比如小天狼星在这个世界上最关心的人就是你。”邓布利多轻轻地说,“还有你把小天狼星当作自己的父亲和兄长这样的事实。伏地魔当然早就知道小天狼星在凤凰社里,也早就知道你清楚他在什么地方——但是,克利切的情报让他意识到小天狼星布莱克是一个你可以舍身搭救的人。”

“是啊,”邓布利多说,“知道吗,克利切不能完全背叛我们。他不是凤凰社的保密人,不能告诉马尔福一家我们的地址或者是告诉他们任何禁止他泄露的凤凰社机密计划。他被他那个种类特有的魔法束缚着,也就是说,他不能违抗他的主人小天狼星的直接命令。但他向纳西莎提供了一些对伏地魔很有价值的情报,小天狼星一定认为那些都是鸡毛蒜皮,也就没想到要禁止他透露出去。”

“比如什么?”哈利说。

“比如小天狼星在世界上最关心的人是你,”邓布利多轻声说道,“比如你逐渐把小天狼星看成既是父亲又是兄长。当然啦,伏地魔早已清楚小天狼星在凤凰社,也清楚你知道他在哪里——但是克利切的情报使他意识到,小天狼星布莱克是你会不遗余力去搭救的人。”

 'Oh, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'You see, Kreacher was not able to betray us totally. He is not Secret Keeper for the Order, he could not give the Malfoy's our whereabouts, or tell them any of the Order's confidential plans that he had been forbidden to reveal. He was bound by the enchantments of his kind, which is to say that he could not disobey a direct order from his master, Sirius. But he gave Narcissa information of the sort that is very valuable lo Voldemort, yet must have seemed much too trivial for Sirius to think of banning him from repeating it.'

    'Like what?' said Harry.

    'Like the fact that the person Sirius cared most about in the world was you,' said Dumbledore quietly. 'Like the fact that you were coming to regard Sirius as a mixture of father and brother. Voldemort knew already, of course, that Sirius was in the Order, and that you knew where he was - but Kreacher's information made him realise that the one person for whom you would go to any lengths to rescue was Sirius Black.'

Malfoy's 在邓布利多的话里出现不止一次,旧版都只译成“马尔福”,而新版更加严谨地译作了“马尔福一家”,只说马尔福的话,容易让人理解成卢修斯,但其实克利切是为纳西莎服务的。

He was bound by the enchantments of his kind:这句也是新版比较准确,克利切是被家养小精灵这个种族的魔法规则所束缚,旧版的表述比较有歧义。

you were coming to regard Sirius as a mixture of father and brother:旧版漏掉了you were coming,逐渐,哈利对小天狼星的感情加深转变是一个过程,然而…………不说了我觉得这段写得特别虐QAQ


“当我们选择格里莫广场12号作为总部的时候,我就提醒过小天狼星一定要尊重和善待克利切。我也跟他讲过克利切可能会对我们不利。但我想小天狼星并没有把我的话放在心上,或者,他总是把克利切看作是跟人类拥有同样敏感情绪的一种生物——”

……

克利切是由巫师变出来的,哈利,”邓布利多说,“所以,他是让人同情的,他的存在就如同你的朋友多比一样可怜。他不得不服从小天狼星的命令,因为小天狼星是他所侍奉的家庭中剩下的最后一个人,但他并不是真心真意对他忠诚。不管克利切犯了什么错,都必须承认小天狼星没有做过任何能够改善他命运的事情——”

“我们当初选择格里莫广场12号作为总部的时候,我就提醒过小天狼星必须善待和尊重克利切。我还告诉他,克利切可能会对我们构成危险。我认为小天狼星没有认真对待我的话,或者,他从来就没把克利切看成是跟人类拥有同样敏锐情感的生物——”

……

克利切是被巫师塑造成这样的,哈利。”邓布利多说,“是的,他应该得到怜悯。他的生活跟你的朋友多比一样悲惨。他被迫听从小天狼星的吩咐,因为小天狼星是他所服侍的家族的最后一位成员,而他对小天狼星并无发自内心的忠诚。不管克利切有什么过错,我们必须承认,小天狼星并没有使克利切的生活变得轻松一些——”

'I warned Sirius when we adopted twelve Grimmauld Place as our Headquarters that Kreacher must be treated with kindness and respect. I also told him that Kreacher could be dangerous to us. I do not think Sirius took me very seriously, or that he ever saw Kreacher as a being with feelings as acute as a human's - '

 ……

   'Kreacher is what he has been made by wizards, Harry,' said Dumbledore. 'Yes, he is to be pitied. His existence has been as miserable as your friend Dobby's. He was forced to do Sirius's bidding, because Sirius was the last of the family to which he was enslaved, but he felt no true loyalty to him. And whatever Kreacher's faults, it must be admitted that Sirius did nothing to make Kreacher's lot easier - '

关于克利切的几段解释,我怀疑旧版的翻译完全没看懂原文……

he ever saw Kreacher as……这句旧版完全翻成了相反的意思,看了原文发现原来是旧版的翻译没跟前面的“I do not think”连在一起理解漏掉了否定含义,其实光看上下文也能看出小天狼星显然是没关注过克利切的情感……

Kreacher is what he has been made by wizards这句说的也不是克利切物理上是被巫师创造的生物,而说的是他的性格与想法,形成于他在巫师家庭的不幸经历。接着后面的His existence,旧版就顺着前面的错误思路翻成了“他的存在”,而新版改成了“他的生活”,我觉得也可以用“他的命运”吧。


“斯内普——斯内普唆使小天狼星留下来待在家里——他把小天狼星当作胆小鬼了——”

“斯内普——斯内普刺——刺激小天狼星,说他躲在家里——他把小天狼星说成是个懦夫——”

 'Snape - Snape g - goaded Sirius about staying in the house - 'he made out Sirius was a coward - '

这里旧版又没看懂原文,以为是哈利是在说去神秘事物司当晚斯内普安排小天狼星留在家里的事情,其实哈利说的是斯内普总是以不能外出刺激小天狼星的事情。

话说这一大段关于斯内普的对话里,邓布利多在哈利第一次直呼“斯内普”的时候就纠正他是“斯内普教授”,但哈利后面一直执着地直呼“斯内普”,邓布利多虽然没再纠正他,可也一直执着地在提到斯内普的时候用“斯内普教授”,俩人像在较劲一样,直到斯内普的话题结束谁都没让步……

看了这段去翻了下混血王子,哈利跟邓布利多有三次谈论到斯内普。这部开头邓布利多在哈利直呼“斯内普”的时候纠正他,他就听从邓布利多而改称“斯内普教授”了,因为那时候他听说不用跟斯内普学习大脑封闭术了,而且邓布利多要给他单独授课所以特别高兴。

第二次哈利因为邓布利多不重视他发现的斯内普和马尔福的可疑行为而不满,当邓布利多纠正他的时候,他回答“是的,先生”表示同意,但是在接下来的对话里没有再提到斯内普的名字以回避称呼带来的分歧。

最后哈利发现是斯内普当年出卖了自己的父母的时候去质问邓布利多,这次邓布利多没再试图纠正哈利的称呼,但自己提到斯内普的时候还是坚持用了“斯内普教授”。


“……他不喜欢克利切,因为克利切是他所讨厌的那个家庭的一个活的记忆。”

所以,他讨厌他!”哈利粗声粗气地说,没理邓布利多就径自走开了。此刻,房间里的光线很明亮,所有肖像的目光都盯在他身上,没有人知道他要做什么,也没有人看这间办公室。“你让他留下来做牢似的待在屋子里,而他讨厌这样,所以他昨天晚上想要出来——”

“我一直在努力保护小天狼星。”邓布利多轻轻地说。

“可是没有人喜欢被锁起来!”哈利气恼到极点,反驳道,“去年整个夏天你就是这样对待我的——”

邓布利多闭上了眼睛,把脸埋在手指修长的双手里。哈利注视着他。这是一种反常的表现,但无论是出于精疲力竭,还是痛苦难过,抑或是出于其他任何情绪,都没有使哈利的火气和缓下来。相反,邓布利多流露出来的软弱表现,更加让他感到愤怒。当哈利想要对他发火、冲他怒吼的时候,他没有理由表现得不坚强。

“……他对克利切没有感情,是因为克利切总使小天狼星想起他所仇恨的那个家。”

没错,他恨那个家!”哈利用发哑的声音说,转身离开了邓布利多。明亮的太阳照进了办公室,那些肖像都用目光跟随着他。他胡乱地走着,没有意识到自己在说什么,也根本看不见这间办公室。“他恨那幢房子,你却把他整天关在里面,所以他昨晚才想出来——”

“我是想保住小天狼星的性命。”邓布利多轻声说。

“可是没有人喜欢被关起来!”哈利冲着他怒吼道,“去年夏天你就是这样对待我——”

邓布利多闭上了眼睛,把脸埋在手指修长的双手里。哈利注视着他,但邓布利多难得流露出来的这种疲惫、悲哀或不管是什么,都不能使他心软。相反,他看到邓布利多居然显出软弱的样子,心里更加生气。他想冲他大发雷霆,告诉邓布利多他没有权利变得软弱。

'…… He had no love for Kreacher, because Kreacher was a living reminder of the home Sirius had hated.'

    'Yeah, he did hate it!' said Harry, his voice cracking, turning his back on Dumbledore and walking away. The sun was bright inside the room now and the eyes of all the portraits followed him as he walked, without realising what he was doing, without seeing the office at all. 'You made him stay shut up in that house and he hated it, that's why he wanted to get out last night - '

    'I was trying to keep Sirius alive,' said Dumbledore quietly.

    'People don't like being locked up!' Harry said furiously, rounding on him. 'You did it to me all last summer - '

    Dumbledore closed his eyes and buried his face in his long-fingered hands. Harry watched him, but this uncharacteristic sign of exhaustion, or sadness, or whatever it was from Dumbledore, did not soften him. On the contrary, he felt even angrier that Dumbledore was showing signs of weakness. He had no business being weak when Harry wanted to rage and storm at him.

he did hate it:这里哈利是接着邓布利多说的“the home Sirius had hated”,指小天狼星恨自己的家。但是,旧版理解成了小天狼星恨他的家所以恨克利切,而上文提到克利切用的人称代词都是he,此处是it,所以旧版还顺着自己的错误理解“贴心地”把原文的it改译为了“他”……

without realising what he was doing, without seeing the office at all:旧版搞错了这个从句的修饰对象,以为指的是墙上的肖像,其实这句话是描写哈利的,新版改正了。

keep Sirius alive:虽然旧版“保护小天狼星”也没错,但跟哈利和小天狼星不希望为了保命而被关起来的想法形成对比,还是新版“我是想保住小天狼星的性命”更加准确。

He had no business being weak:这段话我记得以前在哪里看到有个姑娘的分析印象特别深刻,哈利眼中邓布利多一直是冷静强大、无所不能的,即便这里他对邓布利多一年来的回避和过度保护的愤怒终于直接爆发出来,他还是本能地希望邓布利多可以表现得强大来压制自己的怒火,可以表现得自信,而不是表现得软弱和难过。新版把“他没有理由表现得不坚强”修正为“他没有权利变得软弱”更准确地表达出了出这一点。


“我知道伏地魔的魔法知识可能比现在任何活着的巫师都更为广博。我也知道,一旦他恢复了全部魔力,恐怕就算我使用最复杂、最强大的咒语都不一定能打过他。

“但是,我也了解伏地魔的弱点在哪里。所以我决定,应该用古老的魔法来保护你。他了解这种魔法,瞧不起这种魔法,而且他一贯轻视低估这种魔法——也正因为这样,他为此付出了代价,我当然是指你的母亲为了救你而舍去了生命。她给了你一个意想不到的持久的保护,这个保护直到今天仍在你的血液里流淌。所以,我信任你母亲的血统。我把你交给了她的姐姐,她惟一尚存的亲人。”

“她不喜欢我。”哈利立刻说,“她没有给我一点——”

“但是她收留了你,”邓布利多打断了他,“她可能是不情愿,不高兴,很勉强、抱怨地收留了你,但她毕竟接纳了你,在此过程中,她还保存了我给你所施的咒语。你母亲的牺牲使得血缘的纽带成为我能够给你的最强大的保护屏。”

“我知道,伏地魔的魔法知识恐怕比在世的任何巫师都要广博。我知道,如果他有朝一日东山再起,恐怕就连我会的最高深、最厉害的防护咒语和魔法也不一定能战胜他。

“但我同时也知道伏地魔的弱点在哪里。因此我做出了决定,应该用一种古老的魔法来保护你。这种魔法他是知道的,但他轻视它,因而他一直低估了它的力量——结果付出了代价。当然啦,我说的是你母亲冒死救你那件事。伏地魔没有料到你母亲给了你一种持久的保护,这种保护至今还在你的血管里流淌。因此,我依赖于你母亲的血液,我把你送给了她仅存的亲人——她的姐姐。”

“她不爱我,”哈利立刻说道,“她根本就不——”

“可是她接受了你,”邓布利多打断了他,“她也许接受得很勉强、很怨恨、很不情愿,但她还是接受了你,而她这么做的时候,就使得我在你身上施的魔法开始起效了。你母亲的牺牲,使得血缘的纽带成为我所能给予你的最强大的保护屏障。”

 'I knew that Voldemort's knowledge of magic is perhaps more extensive than any wizard alive. I knew that even my most complex and powerful protective spells and charms were unlikely to be invincible if he ever returned to full power.

    'But I knew, too, where Voldemort was weak. And so I made my decision. You would be protected by an ancient magic of which he knows, which he despises, and which he has always, therefore, underestimated - to his cost. I am speaking, of course, of the fact that your mother died to save you. She gave you a lingering protection he never expected, a protection that flows in your veins to this day. I put my trust, therefore, in your mother's blood. I delivered you to her sister, her only remaining relative.'

    'She doesn't love me,' said Harry at once. 'She doesn't give a damn - '

    'But she took you,' Dumbledore cut across him. 'She may have taken you grudgingly, furiously, unwillingly, bitterly, yet still she took you, and in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you. Your mother's sacrifice made the bond of blood the strongest shield I could give you.'

I knew that even my most complex and powerful protective spells and charms were unlikely to be invincible:我觉得这句话两版的翻译都不准确。首先旧版漏译了“protective”这个词,而新版加上了,但新版的理解还是有点偏差。这句话的上文(旧版翻译没什么错我就不打了,反正翻书就能看到)和下文都在讨论邓布利多给哈利的保护,而这句话邓布利多使用的invincible(不可战胜的)这个词,两版都把它译成了“打败/战胜伏地魔”,但看过原文就能发现,invincible这个词的视角和出发点跟译文是相反的,直译的话应该是“伏地魔无法战胜(我的防护咒语和魔法)”。所以邓布利多的重点不是他本人是否能战胜伏地魔,而是他给哈利的保护是否能在面对伏地魔的时候表现得万无一失。准确的翻译可以是“我知道,如果他有朝一日东山再起,恐怕就连我会的最高深、最厉害的防护咒语和魔法也不一定能万无一失地保护你”,四舍五入约等于一颗糖呢,就给翻译搞没了!也见过很多帖子轮战力的时候引用这句话,不知道我发这个有多少人能看见,只想说不要再引用错误的翻译说邓布利多认为自己打不过劳德了……

I put my trust in your mother's blood:由于blood有血液、血统两种意思,所以两版的翻译(我依赖于你母亲的血液对你施加保护/我信任于你母亲的血统将你交给她的亲人),从字面上都能说的通,但我还是倾向于认为新版的翻译更准确,因为正如上下文提到的,邓布利多显然并不是信任佩妮,而是要依靠哈利母亲留在他血液里的保护来给哈利提供庇护。

in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you:这句也是新版翻译更加准确,并不是佩妮保留邓布利多的咒语,而是佩妮收养哈利的这一行为使得邓布利多施加给哈利的、基于哈利母亲血缘保护的魔法真正生效。

……我发现旧版真是越到后面错得越多,我都已经略过不少无关紧要的小错误了,不然真得全文手打了(。不过下一次就要到真正的重点啦!开心!




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